Dear Patty,

Sure, I'll admit, my illustrious stairs are never ending - just like the pleasure-- it too is never ending... When you step on me, you step on the never ending pleasure-way to heaven.  That's why they write songs about me... you know "Stairway to Heaven" - heck yeah, that was written all about yours truly.

I know you are angry at me now, but just think of all the good that I am doing for you - those thighs and legs and buns will look Phenomenal  by the time I am through with you!  For me, there is nothing better than being stepped on, and I know you secretly think about abusing me.  Do IT!  COME ON!  DO IT PATTY!  ABUSE ME! USE ME!

And that timer issue?  That's totally NOT me - it's your subconscious - extending the time that it wishes to be close to me.  You and I, we are like schoolchildren, openly hating each other, and on the inside we just can't stay away... and I don't want you to stay away from me, Patty my Lovekins... no no - I want you to come back for more!!  That's why you wrote me, I know it... I know that you wrote to me because you just couldn't stop thinking about me.  I'd even wager that you woke up thinking about me!  I know your body probably shivered as it rolled from the bed, weak from the effects that I have on you... Yeah - I rock like that.

When you say "I Hate You" I know you really are saying "I Love You" - And, I love you too!  I will see you in a couple of days when you calm down and realize that I am the ONLY Machine for you.

(Sings)

I'll Be Waiting

(singing still)

At the Golds Gym...

KISSES

Stair Master Machine